Why So Many Relationships? by Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Why So Many Relationships?

by: Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Hi Dennis,

I read your books, and like their practicality. I have one question of theoretical nature: why is it that woman usually do have had more previous relationships than men, although they are 'supposed' to be the more monogamous gender? Are they just trying a lot more short-term relationships? As you said, men usually focus on one at a time. This seems counter-intuitive to me as I understand woman.

Along the line, you mentioned their 'monkey-like' 'tree-hopping'; quickly moving on to the next relationship; again counter-intuitive to me what else I know about women. Could you please explain?



Thanks for the comments on the book and for your support! We're constantly getting great reviews and if you'll excuse my arrogance, I've never seen a more complete, practical guide about dating, sex and relationships anywhere else!

I know exactly what you're asking here - and you're right on the damn money! This DOES seem counter-intuitive! In fact, there are a number of reasons why it's true:

1) Women have more opportunities than men.

More men approach women than the other way around. Thus, women have more access to relationships than men do. All a woman has to do is say "yes" - she doesn't have to approach anyone or risk getting rejected.

2) They comfortably overlap relationships.

As you pointed out from the book, women will rarely leave one relationship without having another firmly in place. Thus, as a relationship starts to wither, they will actually seek out another - even if it's not exactly what they want. They might not call this a "relationship", (even though it is) and they honestly think they're just being "strategic".

3) Women define themselves by their relationships unlike us guys that define ourselves by our careers.

Women are under much more self-inflicted pressure to be in relationships. When they're not, they believe they're "losers" and something is wrong with them. Thus, they'll easily move between multiple relationships in trying to find one they want to be in. This causes problems of course in that many women lie about dating multiple men, but as you also know, women are far better liars than men are for this very reason - they have to be!

4) Women will define even minor dating experiences as "relationships" whereas guys don't do this.

When women start dating a guy, they instantly think of themselves as already "with" him. They imagine how their names will look with his last name on a wedding invitation, or how it would be to be addressed as "Mrs. Whatever", etc. Thus, this very act solidifies the relationship in their minds.

This also leads to some nasty breakups where women build the fantasy only later to find out it wasn't true - and they blame the guy for it! Women don't even know they're doing this to themselves!

5) Women also define their male friendships as "relationships".

Many women have guys hanging around them and actually collect these "friends". They intuitively know that these guys only hang around them because they want something more, but since the women control how far things go, they're not motivated to prevent it in the first place. They see this as "gaining experience" or "studying men" and actually believe that these horny guys represent a cross section of most men.

You and I know they don't, but this is exactly where the idea that "men are dogs" comes from - these guys that are always ready to hump their legs!

By the way, as I mention in the book, women won't admit to the real number of relationships they've had! Thus, when a woman tells you that she's had "2" or "3" or whatever, multiply that by at least 2 - and you're still probably short!

Best regards...


Have a local naked singles love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to me by going to: http://beingaman.com/ask_question.asp for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's Worldtm" (volumes I and II), and other products visit: http://www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2007, Dr. Dennis W. Neder

All rights reserved.


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Why A lot of Choose On the internet Dating Over Conventional One particular

Gone would be the days when dating means courting your future spouse you met at school or in your neighborhood. Romance could blossom now having a click of a mouse.

The net has grow to be the ultimate haven for singles with no the drunks, the noise, and also the exorbitant cost you pay to become in the bars desperately hoping to become noticed. Thanks to on the web dating web sites, you don t need to ask your mother or pal to assist you hook up with a person they feel is ideal for you personally which in most circumstances, isn t.

Some might nonetheless believe within the very good ol classic dating. Very good luck to them. But not you. You are smart and savvy. You understand that on the internet dating is actually a far better and quicker way of connecting with other men and women and receiving to know them. You realize you can t meet all the individuals on the planet that might just be your perfect match. The web expands your probabilities, widening your alternatives to meet a mate.

What will be the added factors for checking out online web sites?

1. The capability to easily access profiles in the easy access to a wide assortment of profiles. On the web internet sites make you see a huge selection of profiles for any attainable match. Clicking on a person that you simply have an interest on is so simple with just a click of the mouse. Vice-versa, other folks who would also like to talk to you (and hopefully, just much more than that) can also message you.

In conventional dating, you happen to be restricted towards the social circle that you have. Your option then becomes limited. As opposed to in on-line dating, exactly where alternatives might be limitless, and just isnt restricted within your instant circle of pals and acquaintances.

two. Most trustworthy dating sites are secure. Theyre quite distinct on this location, enforcing among other individuals, a Code of Ethics among members, Certification that a member is single, and background check on criminal record. Check whether or not the web site has security nets.

Both classic and on the web dating have their dangers, though dating traditionally, admittedly, has lesser safety dangers. But it is possible to never ever be as well confident.

3. Youve the selection to meet or to not meet somebody. In case you do not feel meeting somebody up, then it is your choice.

Compared with on the web dating, you really feel a sense of pressure when a person desires you to meet this or that. If your ideal friend nags you to meet his or her cousin, how can you say no? In on the internet dating, the selection to say yes or no is extremely straightforward.

four. The accuracy in discovering you a superb mate increases because the website has private profiles for you personally to look at, personality tests, and image uploads. Some sites can even have audio and video capabilities in their private ads.

Do not ignore these opportunities in enhancing your personal advertisements. Other singles and prospective matches will take a look at your ads longer if you have video or audio clips in your ad Personals ads with photos of you have a response of 80 percent, but ads using a video clip or audio clip (or both) possess a 97% response.

In contrast to in classic dating, you get to know numerous sorts of people in just several minutes. You can sense someone s personality without having the hassle of truly meeting that person very first.

five. Its comparatively affordable and quickly. On-line dating web sites are more affordable and quicker than arranging a date with somebody referred to you by a buddy. In just several minutes, your ideal match could possibly be offered.

Needless to say, net dating won t assure you a simple head start off in dating and romance. After all, like any types of dating, online dating requires practice and patience. On the internet dating has its downfalls also. Being on the internet doesnt imply absolutely everyone would be buzzing around you.

That is why when you find yourself utilizing on the internet dating services, you must take responsibility for your actions, and contemplate security dangers also. Right after all youre spending money as well money not just for connecting towards the Web, but additionally for the minimal charges you spend for http://www.quickhookup1.xyz being a member in those web sites. World wide web dating internet sites price mainly because of two causes: Initial, to discourage fly-by-night creeps who just lurk and are curious in cyberspace. Second, operating a good on-line dating service fees a great deal, which also involves making certain that members are secure.

You can find vast variations between conventional and on the web dating, and it would not hurt you trying dating online.

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Adult Dating, Drugs And Alcohol

Dear Daughter,

I really like you so much. I want that I could usually defend you from all dangers, but I understand that I can t. You might be expanding up and also you may have to face dangers and make some decisions by yourself. Nonetheless, I am often right here and I can always be a fairly great coach. Please talk to me anytime about any dilemma you may have, even if you might have messed up. Ive messed up several occasions myself.

I was contemplating my last letter on Adult Dating. Id prefer to continue these thoughts. As I consider the prospective dangers to avoid, drugs and alcohol are at the leading in the list.

The moment you discover that a boyfriend is using any sort of illegal drug, start picking the location for the break up. Never ever let the partnership continue pondering that he will quit the drugs for you personally. I know this sounds cruel, but it is true. Folks who are making use of drugs will appear you in the eye and convincingly lie about the drug use. The drug use in fact alters their character. Theyll lie and do factors that they wouldn t generally do.

Whenever you break up with someone more than drug use, it s a bit various predicament. As described before, pick a semi-private but public place, for example a restaurant. Take your personal transportation and sufficient one particular dollar bills to pay for what ever you order, in case you are meeting in a restaurant.

Get straight for the issue. In the event you like him, tell him so. If he has some great points, compliment him. Then inform him that you just cant continue Adult Dating him because he makes use of drugs. Tell him that this can be one thing you decided long ago and that youre sticking to it. If it truly is correct, tell him that you nonetheless contemplate him to become a friend, but youll not date him.

He will try to decrease the drug use. He may say that he doesn t use drugs that often, and that it s no large deal, everyone does it. He might say that he can quit anytime he wants to quit. He may attempt to create you really feel guilty for treating him so badly. Don t think any of this. Tell him that only he can decide what he desires to complete, you want him the very best and that you just hope, for his sake, he does make a decision to give up the drugs. Get up and leave.

In about per week or so he could get in touch with to tell you that he is off all drugs and performing wonderful. Congratulate him and tell him which you will not take into account Adult Dating him till he has been drug free for a minimum of a year. He will then attempt to create you feel bad for being so unreasonable. He may possibly even attempt to produce you feel guilty for not helping him remain off drugs by continuing the partnership. Without having you he may possibly begin making use of drugs again. Don t purchase any of this. Tell him that it truly is up to him to quit the drugs, not you. You are not responsible for his behavior. By the way, in the event you are considering that every person does some drugs so there isnt any 1 left to date, youre hanging about the incorrect individuals.

While we are on the subject, do we ought to talk about drug use? I don t believe that we do, but if we do, please, please, let s talk. You need to know that theres a great deal of false information out there, most of which comes from the individuals whore using the drugs. They make it sound actually excellent. It s not. I have seen many people lose their loved ones, buddies, their productive life style, and occasionally their life, due to the fact the drug became quantity a single in their life.

Do you know what upsets me one of the most? Not a single certainly one of these men and women set out to destroy their life. Im specific that if these people had known what destruction lay ahead, they would have in no way taken that first drug that seemed so harmless. In reality, the most dangerous illegal drug will be the initial a single taken. It appears so harmless in the beginning.

In spite of the seriousness of drug use there is a straightforward solution; merely don t do it. Don t take that first drug. Regardless of how harmless it may appear or how great other people make it sound, don t do it. Make that decision now, just before you uncover your self faced with friends who are encouraging you to just attempt it. Make the decision now in order that you are going to not have to choose when beneath pressure. There comes a time once you need to make some choices about yourself. Make good choices.

By the way, what Sex mad women Appleton would you do should you were using a group of friends and suddenly alcohol or an illegal drug turns up? You might be considering Don t take it. That s an excellent answer, but you need to do more in this circumstance. You must leave the group quickly. When the person together with the drugs or alcohol is caught and arrested, the whole group will be arrested. It truly is critical that you select wisely in relation to buddies. I will have much more to say about this in a future letter.

Let me also mention a couple of issues about alcohol. Alcohol is possibly the most hazardous drug offered in terms of destruction to men and women and families. The cause its so destructive is since it really is legal, socially accepted and readily obtainable.

For those that have difficulty with alcohol, the onset of difficulties is slow and not even noticeable towards the victim. Victims of both drug and alcohol dependence typically have their globe falling apart all around them, and they may be in total denial on the dilemma along with the consequences.

You are beneath age. It is illegal for you to drink alcohol. This makes my suggestions simple for now. Don t do it. It s that easy. No doubt you will uncover your self at a celebration and there is going to be alcohol present. Don t do it, leave immediately. It s illegal and you could possibly be arrested.

Once you turn into an adult and are living by yourself, youll need to choose what you may do about alcohol. Many people can drink socially and in no way possess a dilemma with alcohol abuse or dependence. Other individuals start with social drinking as well as the use slowly increases till it becomes abuse with all the whole array of social, and sooner or later, physical troubles. Which group are you in? I don t know either.

I want you to know that there is a danger involved. To prevent the danger, the top issue to perform is decide on to not drink alcohol. This is the safest route and also the 1 that I recommend to you.

As far as Adult Dating somebody whos making use of alcohol, it truly is equivalent to the drug problem. You are under age. In case your date brings alcohol about you, he is putting you in danger. You could be arrested. Hes becoming irresponsible and this is your cue to strategy the break up. What if he is older and is of legal age to use alcohol? It doesn t matter. Hes nonetheless endangering you. Program the break up.

What will you do later on, if you are of legal age to drink alcohol, and your boyfriend drinks alcohol? This isnt a black and white circumstance. Should you have chosen the safe route and also you usually do not drink alcohol, you could possibly have decided that you simply will only date folks who, like you, dont drink alcohol. If thats the case, this simplifies things.

Alternatively, in case you wish to continue Adult Dating the individual, there may possibly or might not be danger. As discussed earlier, many people have difficulty with alcohol and a few don t. In the event the relationship becomes severe, go over your concerns with him. In case you possess a good relationship, an in-depth discussion shouldnt be an issue. Dont forget that you always have access to skilled drug and alcohol counselors who will help you evaluate your predicament. Be sure youre comfy with all the scenario up front as opposed to right after the marriage.

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Silent Dating: The Zen Path to Really like

You ve heard that song, Silent Night, Holy Evening. Well, theres anything sacred about silence. Enlightenment comes to Zen monks in silent meditation. With this in thoughts, here is an really bold concept to get a date. It really is hugely unusual, to be sure, and not a lot of will attempt it.Ask somebody out on a date, but make this rule: Neither you nor your date will speak a single word for the duration of the date. That s right! You both will take an oath of total silence.Youll also maintain all other forms of communications to a bare minimum. That indicates no writing notes, few or no hand signals, or any other kind of symbolic communication.What you in fact do on your silent date just isnt as critical because the truth that you are dating in silence.As an example, should you go out to dinner, youd not be able to speak towards the waiter when ordering food. Though you may handle this by basically pointing towards the menu items, the concept is to shape the date about the truth that you won t be saying anything. Pick an activity cautiously.

In case you go to a film, you will not be capable of talk about it.Why this idea? Why a silent date? What great could possibly come from it?Effectively, to be silent is tremendously difficult for all of us who live inside the modern day planet. We reside within the Age of Information. Everywhere will be the continual clamor of communication. Radios play, TVs blare, people everywhere babble into cell phones, even when they have nothing at all to say. But if a person could just stop for any time for you to just listen and observe, tremendous new insights might be discovered about what it indicates to be alive nowadays.Moreover, when you share your silence using a dating partner, you happen to be generating a massive opportunity to understand really subtle clues about who this individual actually is, and what she or he is all about. Just as a blind individual should improve his or her other senses to compensate for the lack of sight, two silent men and women should double or triple their other senses for reading what the other individual is like beneath the skin. The silent date can produce actually remarkable insights about other people. Interacting and observing with yet another person in silence is a strong expertise! Also, in the event you cant be comfortable with yet another individual in silence, it s a great sign you can t be comfortable with that individual in any way.

That s because all of us use mindless chatter to cover up for how we truly feel. We all understand how men and women blurt out something, just to fill those uncomfortable silent moments. When you date under an oath of silence, you might be forced to accept your date on a a lot more subtle level. You see deeper into their personality and psyche. Actually, it may take numerous silent dates to get the full impact of this.And take into account this: After your silent date is over, you are going to have an iron-clad reason for any second date you need to get with each other again to share your encounter, and speak about what you observed and felt!This can be tremendously exciting! As an example, let s say your silent date entails a stroll inside a park. Perhaps you both stopped to observe some wildflowers, or paused to gaze upon a water pond. Soon after your silent date, you can ask your date: You know, I truly wanted to know what you had been pondering if you have been searching at these colorful wildflowers? The answer can be surprising!You see, an important aspect on the silent date is that each individuals This contact form are forced to project their own theory about what the other individual is considering for the duration of distinct events and activities. What you thought your date was contemplating, and what he or she was genuinely contemplating, might be dead on, or totally off base.

The silent date demands that each and every individual pay incredibly close interest towards the other as you each strive to establish meanings. This can only be an excellent point. Also often, what an individual in fact says does not usually reflect what he or she genuinely signifies. Spoken communications are usually misinterpreted. But a silent date gives the daters deeper, much more subtle insights into each other. Ironically, silent dates actually improve communication inside the extended run. It does that by forcing the daters to confront the procedure of communication from a brand new and more profound level.I could go on and on in regards to the magical wonders in the silent date, however the genuine positive aspects can only be achieved by trying it. Yes, it requires a lot of courage to suggest a silent date, particularly within a first-time dating situation. A great deal of men and women will believe you re kooky. But the more profound, open-minded and less shallow people will at the very least be prepared to provide this bold idea a attempt.People who agree to a silent date are guaranteed to become fascinating people and greater yet, you could just possess the most intriguing and memorable dating expertise of the life. You may even fall in love.


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Online Adult Dating good results might be yours

Michael and Kristine, a productive couple who met on the internet, enlighten us on how they meet, hooked up and are happily living a fantastic life collectively.

Michael and Kristine happen to be happily married for two years; they attribute their joy filled life to productive on the internet Adult Dating. As luck would have it, Kristines pal had recently met a person on-line and, soon after a couple of dates, could not stop talking concerning the new man in her life. Initially, Kristine was hesitant, being unfamiliar using the on the web Adult Dating scene, but in the guidance of her friend, she decided to try it out for fun. Following several weeks of testing out the waters, Kristine met Michael. The connection was too strong to deny Kristine was smitten with Michael and vice versa. Right after six months of receiving to understand each other on an intimate basis, Michael proposed to Kristine around the most loved filled day from the year Valentines Day. Michael and Kristine share their expertise and provide advice to new romance seekers.

Q: How extended did it take before you two discovered one another? Were either of you Adult Dating about significantly?

Kristine: I didnt truly think something would come of this I believed I was going to sign up and forget about it. Mikey was my initial and only online date!

Michael: Ive been on the on the web Adult Dating scene for a couple years now. Ive had possibly about 5-6 dates prior to I met Kristine nothing to create home about; they were all really generic and far from being terrific.

Q: What exactly is a good strategy to establish a connection with somebody online?

Kristine: Emails are a good method to get a feel for the particular person, asking concerns. It really is fundamentally the initial step in the online communication process.

Michael: Among the two of use, Kristine and I swapped possibly 5-6 emails. When it felt like it was time to take that subsequent step, we decided to meet within a public, friendly atmosphere. When I am confident about something, I do not hesitate or play around. Just ensure that youre your self and items usually fall into spot.

Q: Who decided to create the first speak to? What was it from their profile that sparked the attraction?

Kristine: I created the very first move. We had been only about ten miles apart. Mikey seemed like a truly cool person, quite down to earth. From his profile I could tell that he wasnt that standard jerk stereotype he wasnt all filled with himself. I was searching for authenticity, one thing true.

Q: How did your loved ones and buddies react after they found you met on-line?

Michael: Everyone was fairly cool about it. On-line Adult Dating appears to become becoming really fashionable; everybody I know a minimum of knows someone who met their significant other on the web.

Q: What guidance would you give to someone who just can not appear to acquire any response from others on the internet?

Michael: Maybe your profile requirements a bit tune-up. Let a trusted pal study it; perhaps they could supply suggestions. Bear in mind that your profile and image will be the 1st things that people see.

Kristine: Patience will be the key. Itll happen; you just require to provide it time.

Q: How would you respond to this question: Why do you feel most girls only post an image of their face? And when you request a complete physique photo, they get offending, claiming that you are only into looks ? Why is it so tough?

Kristine: I guess, for ladies, its harder for us to place our image on the market. Perhaps were a bit more bashful than guys. Character is usually the much more import aspect to us.

Michael: For a great deal of males, looks are an extremely crucial aspect, so I can comprehend why some guys would pass up a womans profile if it didnt include a picture. Kristines message to me was really cute, and I guess thats what initial drew me to her. She stated that she was new to this on the web Adult Dating thing and that she was just looking for some good folks. She didnt even have a photo up in the time, but I dont forget at a specific point I had requested 1, and she was pleased to give it.

Q: Michael, how did you understand that Kristine was that particular a person?

Michael: When we first met, we actually hit it off properly. We had so many widespread interests from music, politics, films and so on. I believe it was our equivalent interests that created us quickly click. I try to maintain the drama in my life to an absolute minimum, and I could tell that she was exactly the same way. My personal philosophy is that we every tend to make our personal happiness as well as our http://www.livelydatefree.xyz miseries a reality Kristine would be the sort of person who usually chooses to look at the brighter side of life, just like me. My friends also took an immediate liking to her.

Q: Did you continue to search on the web following meeting?

Kristine: Yes. Mikey was the very first individual I had truly met, and I still had an additional couple weeks till my subscription ended.

Michael: I was subscribed to an additional Adult Dating service in the time, and I had an additional date scheduled, but I decided to cancel it and to take down my profile. I just felt like my long search had ultimately come to an finish.

Q: Did marriage ever cross your minds throughout the early stages of the connection?

Kristine: Yes, I was contemplating marriage.

Michael: I felt exactly the same way also. If you feel a certain way, it really is ideal to just go with the flow.

Q: What need to you watch out for when it comes to on-line Adult Dating?

Kristine: I draw the line at questions which might be too individual. Questions pertaining to what Im at the moment wearing have a tendency to be a major turn off when asked by a stranger.

Michael: Appear out for men and women which might be pretending to be an individual they are not. I understand that this really is subsequent to not possible to detect right off the bat, but following a whilst, you are going to quickly sense it.

Q: For the very first timers attempting on-line Adult Dating, what tips could you give them?

Michael: You could be tempted to throw within the towel too speedily if things do not function out the very first week. Be patient. Your day will come, and you will be happy you stuck in there.

Kristine: Be truthful proper in the get-go. Do not play thoughts games; never be somebody you are not.

Q: Now that youve crossed paths and have created that sacred vow to become together, how much has your life changed compared to once you 1st signed up?

Michael: I am 100% happier. Theres truly no comparison it was the most effective selection of my life.

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